Off-the-cuff, sometimes off-color responses to our Best of Rochester 2017 Primary Ballot
(Best Florist) "Any local weed dealer, really"
(Best Piercer) "My dog's eyes... Right through me... Everytime."
Fuller, go easy on the Pepsi
(Best Pet Related Business) "Buzz, your girlfriend, WOOF"
(Best Secondhand Store) "I heard Medley Center went for a bargain and was secondhand."
(Best Greek-Friendly Business) "I hate that word and its current usage that suggests a definition created by people who have never been called one in anger, but Boldo's Armory."
Oh, the spellings
(Best Italian Restaurant) "Dominance"
(Best Asian Restaurant) "Ham Noodle"
(Best Local Arts Festival) "Chloe's Line"
(Best Local Film Festival) "Inside Out"
(Favorite Cemetery) "Holly Sepulcher"; "Holy Ceplicure"; "Holy Schepluchre"; "Holy Sepecular"; "Holy Sepital"; "Holy Seplechere"; "Holy Seplicker"; "Holy Seplictre"; "Holy Seprical"; "Holy Sepulchure"
Rochester standing up
(Best Source of Rochester Pride)
"Trump protests and responses to basically everything that piece of shit does."
"When we ran that neo-Nazi out of Honeoye Falls."
Narrator: It was kickball
(Best Local Regional Sports League) "Not kickball, anything but kickball."
The people we love
(Best Local TV Personality) "If my grandfather lived inside my TV, his name would be Don Alhart"
(Best Local TV Personality) "That big beefy broad shouldered weatherman"
(Best Local TV Personality) "The guy in the Auto Junction ads who does fake karate and sounds like a monster truck rally announcer"
(Best Local TV Personality) "The guy who does yoga at 3am on public access"
(Best Local TV News Station) "10: only because I'm afraid all the anchors will be gone at this point next year and a teleprompter named Churl will be giving the news"
(Best Regional Winery) "That Yelp Elite group who whines about every stupid little thing that goes wrong."
The tipsy two-step
(Best place to go to dance) "A state trooper's field sobriety test!"
Three times in one year
(Best Local Music Festival) "The annual Rusted Root Love Fest"
Technically not wrong
(Best Place To Meet Singles) "45s bins at bop shop"
(Best Local Filmmaker) "Kodak"
(Best Stand-up Comedian) "Judge Leticia Astacio"
(Best place to take a date) "I don't know what a date is but even a bad one at the top of Cobbs hill with wine and a sunset"
Better ... Stronger ... Faster
(Best Dance Company) "Festival Guy 2.0: He's taller, wears gloves, and needs an elephant dance troupes worth of space to operate"
If you say so
(Best Dance Company) "the lux boogie down oftentimes come together in a very interesting way"
Who hurt you? (From one respondent)
(What's Your Favorite Thing In Rochester) "firstname.lastname@example.org"
(Best Local Activist Group) "Any group that boycotts City Newspaper"
(Best Local Website) "Not this shitty publications website"
(Best Local Facebook Page) "Fuckcitynewspaper"
(Most Important Local News Story Of 2017) "City Newspaper sucks giant fat shit smeared ass"
(Most Important Local News Story Of 2017) "How much shit City newspaper sucks"
(Best Local Original Band) "Xcitynewspapersucksfuckingdickx" (Ed: That's not very posi!)
(Best Local Solo Musician) "Guy who rips city newspaper to shreds on stage"
(Best Local Stand-Up Comedian) "This publication, oh you asked best sorry"
(Best Local Comedy Group) "Definitely city newspaper"
(Best Local Photographer) "None that work for city newspaper
(Best Local Film Festival) "Why don't you tell me, it's all you babble about"
(Best Local Music Festival) "You won't cover any so why bother"
(Best Local Family-Friendly Attraction) "Strong Museum"
(Best Local Drag Performer) "Frank DeBlaise, complete cuck"
(Best Place To Take A Date) "Wegmans"
(Best Category We Didn't Include) "Worst staff member at city newspaper"
It's called Instagram
(Best Category Not Included) "Hipster establishment with the most succulents"
"Can we consider the Medley Center a cemetery?"
"East and Alexander on a Saturday night"
"The one I'm not in yet"