This fairly low-key episode was notable primarily for the next few stops on the Long-Gone Character Cameo Train. This time around we got more Hoyt, psychic torment courtesy of Steve Newlin (and a cameo by the decapitated former governor of Louisiana), fairy granddad Niall, and best of all, the long-forgotten Dr. Ludwig, who I don’t think we’ve seen since Season 2. Between then and now Dr. Ludwig has divested even more of her shits, and now she has absolutely none to give you. Onward!
The major tension from the episode came from three arcs: Eric and Pam tracking Sarah Newlin, Vampire Bill staving off death, and Violet toying with kidnapped sex idiots Adilyn and Wade. We’ll cover the last one first, since it’s the least important. Violet did not kill the teen lovebirds right away, instead taking them to a palatial mansion that she apparently owns -- the creepy portrait on the wall suggested as much. This house, which I’m guessing is not in Bon Temps, was dripped in finery and came complete with a well-stocked sex dungeon. (Sidebar: If Violet had this kickass pad somewhere nearby, why was she willingly living in Jason Stackhouse’s den of iniquity? If you are regularly screwing Jason Stackhouse and you have access to a tricked-out bone palace, you take Jason Stackhouse to the sex dungeon! This is common sense! As a viewer, I feel robbed of the opportunity to see Jason investigating that toy chest. Violet is truly the worst.) Anyway, at first Violet was a consummate host. After Adilyn and Wade realized that neither one of them was interested in Violet’s kinky wares, they had what was almost certainly terrible, awkward step-sibling intercourse. And then Violet woke up, entered in truly unfortunate negligee, and threw Wade around like a ragdoll before turning her attention and fangs on Adilyn. And that’s why you don’t follow some crazy-ass vampiress to a second location, kids.
Andy and Holly spent the episode aimlessly searching for the missing teens, randomly ending up at Holly’s ex’s lake house. There Andy had a good cry and Holly was really pretty awesome. She assured Andy that their story would have a good ending. I’m not sure about all that.
The highlight of the episode was, weirdly, Arlene. I felt like this episode was a lovely thank-you to Carrie Preston, who has been with the show since the beginning and sometimes stuck in some thankless storylines. As much as I loved cholita-glamour Arlene, I am digging more maturely dressed Arlene. More than that, she had a great scene with Sam in which she more or less told him he’d be wrong to ditch Bon Temps at Nicole’s request. And then she had a few scenes with her vampire paramour, Keith (I think), who would be a lot more attractive if he didn’t dress like the lamest member of a biker gang based out of Peoria, Illinois. Seriously, that wallet chain. You are 500-something years old. KNOW BETTER. The first scene was a V-induced dream, in which Arlene fantasized about hitting it with a vampire and also did not-right things on the bar’s pool table. The second scene was actually quite sweet, and very well acted by Preston. Someone needs to hire her after this show is over.
We got one brief scene with LaFayette and Lettie Mae digging holes in the backyard of Lettie Mae’s old house, so that storyline is still a thing.
Jason spent the episode shirtless, teasing Sarah Newlin with death via her mental breakdown (also sometimes shirtless), and quietly dying inside while trying to comfort Hoyt over his mother’s death. That was partially because his former best friend doesn’t remember Jason at all due to Jessica’s glamour, and partly because Jason couldn’t stop lusting over Hoyt’s very attractive new girlfriend. That is going to end in tragedy, and I’m actually kind of disappointed by that since Hoyt was the one character who had a really nice endpoint to his story. He got out, but they had to drag him back in.
Vampire Bill continued to have his very boring flashbacks to meeting his original wife. I hope those are building up to some big revelation, because otherwise the only worthwhile element is Bill’s luscious Civil War-era man wig. His rapid Hep V infection was more or less blamed on consuming Sookie’s fey blood, which does make for a kind of irony given the number of times Bill screwed her over. Sookie called irritable dwarf physician Dr. Ludwig, and she just walkeda round verbally slapping everyone. It was great. Eventually she ditched that situation when she discovered that Niall was Sook’s grandfather, stating she wanted no part of any of it.
Speaking of, professional Colonel Sanders impersonator Niall did appear, and I am pleased to report that RutgerHauer is now only marginally more bedraggled than he was the last time we saw him. Which, if memory serves, had him stuck in the hell dimension in which he trapped Warlo. So I have no idea how he got out of that. Sookie called Niall to help Bill, and after tricking her into making pasta (shifty fairy!), he said he’d try, even though he dislikes Bill. That was a lie too, and Niall essentially told Sookie that Bill done shit the bed. Sookie was not exactly grateful for the diagnosis. I’m hoping that’s the last we hear about Sookie’s fairy nature before the end of the series, because this show is incapable of executing anything fairy-related in a way that isn’t corny and lame.
Finally, Eric and Pam and the Yakuza interrogated Sarah’s vamp sister, until diseased Eric freaked out and staked her, snuffing out their only lead seconds after they discovered that Sarah actually has a cure to Hep V. Pam wants Eric to take it. Eric seems ambivalent about the prospect. The Japanese contingent wants to synthesize Sarah’s blood, sell it as New Blood, and use Eric Northman as their spokesvamp. Great idea;thos ads should feature as little clothing as possible. Just a tip.
Sarah ended up at the old Fellowship of the Sun compound from Season 2,where her descent into madness continued. Now, you would think that any of the people tracking this woman -- including the Japanese government, which presumably has significant technical and financial resources -- would take a moment and make a list of all the likely places Sarah might end up. Because I would put the Fellowship compound fairly high on there. And yet, there were no henchmen already waiting there, because these people are idiots who have let her escape two times already. The episode ended with Pam, Eric, and the Japanese arriving at the campus, which was not the most exciting cliffhanger.
Oh, actually, that’s not true -- the episode ended with Sookie and a Hep V-vein-covered Bill having unglamorous sex on the floor. Which was also not the most exciting cliffhanger. So there you go.